look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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