so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
