I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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