sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
