I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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