which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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