I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
