hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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