Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
