my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
