Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
