somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like death gave me a hand job
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
