Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
