I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
