Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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