my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
