I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize