I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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