Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
