I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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