Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
there was a trapeze. enough said
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
