As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
