Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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