he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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