Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
