and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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