Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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