Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
