I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
