Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
