Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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