I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
