how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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