I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize