My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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