I just threw up on my dentist
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
