Got a toothbrush?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
