I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
