never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We left an ass print on the piano.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
