he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
