I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
