I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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