i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
