My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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