Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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