Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
