"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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