hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
