After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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