I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
