"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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