I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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