i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i think my cat just said my name.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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