Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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