I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
