I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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