So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
