I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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