You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize