wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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