if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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