I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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