Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
